An honest message for anyone juggling love, marriage, kids, career and modern life.

In 1999 I met this raver hip hop queen, and after the most arduous courting dance ever we finally started dating. In 2006, eleven years ago, we got married with four wedding ceremonies over two coasts totaling nine events. We are so lucky to have three beautiful children in our lives, the support of our parents and siblings, and the friendship of people we’ve called family for decades.

The reality, however, is that the work that goes into two careers, three small children, and keeping the fire burning with your lover is immense and can be so hard. The last year has been really tough and the hardest in our eighteen year journey. It’s not something you’re going to see on Facebook or social media because let’s be honest, Facebook and social media, while useful with merits (especially on your birthday — ahem), can be a mirage of reality.

There’s a veneer of optimism shared to the world in the pursuit of getting likes, chuckles, hearts and wows. Everyone plays at different levels but the reality is that it’s still a game. Real life and death don’t happen with glossy photos of smiling children or majestic exotic vacations.

Real life happened to me alone with my partner where we made the decision I made when I first met her. The decision to put in work and do whatever is possible to stay together.

I’m not saying that the pics of our kids or moments of joy we share are forged; they’re not. Like many people they are just pieces of the whole story of life. Just because you don’t share photos of arguments or crying doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

We have problems. Everyone has problems.

We are working to tackle those problems and I’m proud to admit that we’ve been speaking to a therapist as part of our journey of staying together. It’s the first time in my life and it wasn’t an easy thing. Looking back it’s hard to understand why I would have hesitated. Maybe that hesitation stemmed from being the first son, child of the 80’s, first generation Indian in America… you name it the list is long.

None of that matters or luckily stopped us.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and it’s helping us look towards each other instead of looking away, helping us get through a challenging time, helping us fight to stay together.

Life can be a fight and getting help is not a weakness. I have no shame in my feelings that wether it’s by family, community, or yourself — do what ever it takes to get any help you can.

Survive.

As a human I remain hopeful. Hopeful for my family, my partner, our community, the world and our species.

I by no means know everything. I’m sharing something personal in solidarity with everyone else that may be going through it thinking they’re alone. Everyday i’m working on doing my best. I’m really hoping that the honesty in these words can help anyone make a decision to get the help they need wether for their families or themselves.

Today what greater gift could I have than Puneet? This strong, beautiful, powerful partner, and my hip hop raver queen for life

Keep fighting. Help each other. Help yourself.
Let me know how I can help.

Much love.